Sunday, December 17, 2006

You've got to be kidding...

I woke up this morning to something disturbing. Not only did it defy reason, but also it was one of those instances that I didn't think was in the realm of possibility. Due to the natural mind fog after sleep I truly considered the fact that I might be hallucinating. Could this be happening? Quickly running back through last night's events I decided that, yes, no matter how bizarre, this was real. Several hours later I still find myself thinking "WTF?".

I awoke to find a present of sorts... A big steaming pile of sock. Sock you ask? Steaming even? And in a pile? Yes. A big steaming pile sock. It's hard to wrap your mind around isn't it? There in front of me, welcoming me into the new day, was a big steaming pile sock. But not just any sock. It was my sock and yet it wasn't all at the same time. It was different. Changed.

How could this happen? One word. Dog.

It appears that one of the family dogs has taken a liking to the pungent aroma that my feet impart to footwear. So much so that the culprit may see them as a delicacy. Something to relish. And in this case, devour. It's beyond me. For my feet have the unholy ability to turn the most harmless of garments into what could only be classified as biohazardous toxic waste. The incomparable Frank Zappa even wrote a song about it :

 "Now scientists call this disease Bromidrosis.
But us regular folks who might wear tennis shoes
or an occasional python boot know this exquisite
little inconvenience by the name of: STINK FOOT"

Because of this fact, why oh why would my soiled and defouled socks be considered tasty? I know dogs are dirty in a lot of things they do, but come on. There's a line. In some twisted way, I think of the Civet. You know the one. It's that magical animal that brings the world what is more commonly known as "cat poo coffee". Is this what Rover has done for me? Offered up its superior intestinal system for my benefit? Somehow on it's journey mutating my sock into an uber-sock? It begs closer inspection. Study. Tests. DAMN that's nasty!!!


At 4:43 PM, Blogger Dave said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 4:45 PM, Blogger Dave said...

Damn, that's NASTY! So, your socks have been through the intestinal system of a dog?

Did you burn the sock?

Oh, and I like how you conveniently leave out the fact that you awoke to a steaming pile of dog poo. Ahhh, the smell of dog poo in the morning.

Great Story Telling! Laughed my ass off.


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